Before & After

happy, magical & newwwww

2nd January 2025

Basically… I forgot to post my pre-Christmas meanderings so now, alongside the New Years Day thoughts, we have both. It’s funny for me to note the similarities, and a few differences… my memory has always been like a sieve so its unsurprising that I likely write about the same thing over and over on here- the rain, the light, freedom and miracles, the sea, new blooms and their glimmers, my dog etc but i think that I’m OK with that. When you come here, you kind of know what you’re gonna get, which feels comforting or something. And for me- it’s a great reflection of where my attention and intentions lie. Anyways, a very happy 2025 to you. Today really felt like the beginning of a whole new world- in a mystical kind of way- and I hope to lean further into that as this very special time unravels <3 love u <3

1st January 2025

I am alive inside of a warm room, my heart beats and my breath flows. Rain kisses the roof that shelters me and i feel safe. My blessings are countless but I still try to count them each morning. ‘Everything is a miracle’ said the man in my meditation app and today it feels that way. It feels new and I feel free- freedom as something I’ve come to know as a necessity for my happiness. It’s just a day, they say, but it’s a day that reminds me that each morning we wake up and can start again. I’ll walk and i’ll pray and i’ll cook and i’ll endlessly fawn over my puppy dog. I’ll try and keep my busy mind away from making plans and lists- even though I will eventually cave and revel in the structured nature of pen on paper. For now, I wish to sit by the fire and allow presence and purity of thought to flow free. I want to let. I wish to allow. ‘You can’t push the river’ and I am the water and all its reeds, I am the sun and all of its beams, I am the light as it makes crystals of the sea- I could turn milk to honey and honey to bees. I feel peace and wish it stay but know that to be human means it must sometimes go away. I’ve learned to be less ‘productive’ (in the traditional use of the word) in this past year and I’m enjoying that. I’m learning to let my emotions be what they are- even when they aren’t the way i’m told that they should be. I’m aiming for authenticity at all costs and I will continue to seek her. It feels like I was able to let go of more of what was not serving me than maybe ever before in this past year and that feels GOOD. Theres a piece of abandonment that used to live inside of me that seems to be on vacation and I find myself floating in the levity of that; hoping that particular holiday lasts a lifetime. I’m wondering who I will become this year or wondering if perhaps she’s already arrived. I feel lucky to love the rain as I watch a million wet arrows reach for the ground. Oh England, my Lionheart- I guess that I live in the right place. Love and blessings of eternal light to you and yours for a magical new year xoM

22nd December 2024

My journal prompt today says that I should take stock…‘Look back on the year and see how far you’ve come… ‘ It does feel like it's been a gigantic time of growth and change. I do feel like a different person at its close than I did at its beginning. Where was I? Same same but different. Forever analysing every feeling and adjustment, finding moments of peace and pain, allowing gratitude to seep into me and then watching it fly away again, as it tends to do. I feel like the ocean- Inside of my own waves and always hoping for calmer waters. Although, I’m not sure that’s really what life’s about...I think it’s probably more likely to be about becoming one with the waves, right? Being the ocean. Perhaps I could become the sky and gently roll through as a cloud instead. I actually feel remarkably serene for this time of year… It's windy out (my least favourite mode) but I feel a stillness inside of my heart. Kind of like, even if just for a moment, I’ve found a softness to living inside of being. I’ve been managing to not focus on thinking and productivity as much and instead i’ve been letting the day’s banalities swing me from moment to moment. I’m practicing, I tell myself. I’m practicing for the new year to come…for the way I want to live inside of my life. I wish to be free. Of course I also wish to create but not out of desperation. I want to create from the endless well of divine inspiration available to us all. ‘Sometimes change and personal growth happen so fast..and we risk taking everything for granted’ says the same moon calendar. It’s been a huge year for me personally, and it seems for many, and I don’t want to let the profundity of that pass me by. I want to honour every small victory of character and transformation. I sit here a very different woman to the one who entered the year and I’m proud that I am capable of that kind of growth, I’m proud that I’m not afraid of change and I am truly blessed by a life that is genuinely my own. To attempt to strip oneself bare of the layers and layers of un-truths that can be placed on us isn’t always an easy path but as a beam of light streams in and kisses my cheek, it sure feels worthwhile. I will not take this moment of peace for granted. Within this sentiment I wanted to share with you one of my favourite prayers and a solid go-to in times of need- "I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.” xM